Shark Exorcist (2015)

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Cast:  Angela Kerecz, Bobby Kerecz, James Balsamo, Alaine Huntington, Roni Jonah, Christi Moritz, Channing Dodson, Lexi Nimmo, Julia Contrenchis
Director: Donald Farmer
Nutshell: A very disturbed nun offers a human sacrifice to Satan in order to make a devil’s pact with a demonic shark leading to horrifying consequences.

 

A distraught and very angry nun arrives at an urban lakeside in broad daylight with cars driving all around her and walks up to the steps leading down to the edge of a park and the lake within it to make a pact with Satan (seemingly in the form of a Shark with glowing eyes and very sharp teeth).  Moments later an even angrier young woman goes up to the nun and berates and abuses her only to be stabbed by the nun and then dragged to the water and offered to the demonic shark as a sacrificial offering. “Send me an avenger” the Nun demands.

Shark Exorcist (2015)
please note the glowing eyes. majestic.

A year later three scantily clad but gorgeous young women make for the exact same spot in the city centre park with the lake containing the demonic shark who has made an evil pact with the killer nun.  The girls take to working on their tans but one of them, Ally, decides to go for a swim and it isn’t long before the demonic shark is in action.  A brutal attack follows and poor Ally is barely saved from the jaws of death and taken to hospital where swift action averts further disaster.  Meanwhile an investigative internet journalist arrives with her assistant to try to cash in on the sensational story of the devil shark in their proximity.  A séance is held with astounding results as the reporter is gripped by the demonic spirit of the shark and starts to contort and vomit in terrifying ways.  Clearly the Wayward, heretic killer nun and her human sacrifice has done the trick and Satan has spawned an unrelenting and brutal evil force that will have far reaching effects.

The demonic shark, seemingly attracted to copious amounts of female white trash is unrelenting in its savagery and one by one gorgeous flowers of the community are mowed down horribly but worse is to come when the shark starts to infect its victims and they too turn into evil, possessed zombies under the spell of the nun’s Satanic Pact.

Shark Exorcist (2015)
lots of vomit and lots of blood letting too!

After matters get out of hand and the body count thrives, an exorcist is summoned and together with a shapely BFF of Ally beside him they vie to get to the bottom of this terror that has gripped the entire community with fear.

So, with a hunky Monsignor on board off they go to try and cure Ally and rid her of the demons that have infested her soul and possessed her.  Will the two good Christians be able to do battle with the Nun’s curse and her pact with the Satanic Shark or will the shark and its infected evil zombie victims spread their malice far and wide, eventually infecting the entire nation?

There are too many utterly bizarre scenes to describe and an epilogue that attempts to infuse some deep psychological meaning to what is witnessed on screen.  A young girl finds stuffed sharks in a toy store and starts to rub them on her body and fantasize about them and then goes to an aquarium where she also has difficulties suppressing her shark compulsions from the public around her.  There is also much vomit on display and those who enjoy such matters will get their money’s worth.  One particularly memorable scene has projectiles of vomit flying through the air in quite spectacular style.

Shark Exorcist (2015)
Satanic Possessed shark with the glowing eyes.

The film is so dire and when the producers claim it had a budget of $300,000 one has to wonder where exactly the cash was used.  Maybe the CGI shark that appears in a few scenes swimming in loop cost a whole lot because anything else this movie has to display is barely even kitchen sink.  The acting is beyond atrocious, perhaps not a single trained actor among the cast, more like people gullible enough to be part of a project as dubious as this one. Perhaps what cost most of all was the only impressive aspect of the movie which was its poster featuring a giant shark protruding from waves of fire being confronted by an Exorcist clinging to his cross and his faith.  A breathtaking poster and quite brilliant idea for a film but sadly the execution is woeful. Despite its awfulness, the film does have some strange allure and one of the best ever lines of dialog ever delivered in any film ever “You know the thing about death Emily…it’s a real buzz kill”.

A stupefying and stunning movie that redefines the word “diabolical”.  Unrelentingly hideous and strictly only for those who thirst for the dregs or a sense of challenging themselves to sit through the most atrocious cinematic torture. I am reminded of the great Spinal Tap and one of the reviews they received for their album “Shark Sandwich” which simply said “Shit Sandwich”.  In the case of “Shark Exorcist” it could easily be “Shit Exorcist”.

 

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